For years, we’ve asked guests on this show some version of the same question: what do you wish you knew before your first kid? To close out New Dad Week, we pulled four of the best answers we’ve ever gotten and put them back to back, no commentary in between. Ryan Levesque, Michael Dietrich-Chastain, Farhan Rizvi, and Matt Baudro, four dads who’ve already been through it, telling you what they’d want you to know.

Four dads, one question

• Ryan Levesque: fatherhood is forever, and it’s a series of windows that close. Remember to remember.
• Michael Dietrich-Chastain: expect reactivity from everyone, don’t take it as an attack, and know the hard roads are temporary. Stay in the “wow.”
• Farhan Rizvi: have grace on yourself. Being a dad is like baseball, where a great batting average sits in the .200s.
• Matt Baudro: step back and figure out who your kid actually is, then come alongside them, instead of trying to raise a smaller version of yourself.

Fatherhood is a series of windows

Ryan Levesque’s answer is the one most people carry out of this episode. Fatherhood isn’t a single stage you get through, it’s a long series of windows, the 3am feedings, the way she falls asleep on your chest, that open and then close for good. Most of them you don’t get to reopen. His advice isn’t to slow down time, it’s simpler and harder: remember to remember the window you’re in right now, because you’re already living in one.

You’re batting .200, and that’s a great season

Farhan Rizvi’s answer is permission most new dads don’t think to give themselves. He compares fatherhood to baseball, where a great career batting average lives in the .200s, meaning you’re getting it wrong most of the time and that’s not failure, that’s the job. For guys who measure themselves against every parenting moment they get wrong, the comparison reframes the whole scoreboard.

Come alongside who they actually are

Matt Baudro closes the episode with the answer Jamie chose to end on: step back, figure out who your kid actually is, separate from who you expected or wanted them to be, and come alongside that person instead of trying to raise a smaller version of yourself.

“Figure out who they are, and come alongside them.”

Hear the full conversations: Ryan Levesque at frontrowdads.com/8455, Michael Dietrich-Chastain at frontrowdads.com/542, Farhan Rizvi at frontrowdads.com/396, and Matt Baudro at frontrowdads.com/29. This closes out New Dad Week. Grab the free field guide, with the main points from every episode plus prompts you can use, at frontrowdads.com/newdad, and if you know a guy about to have his first kid, send him this one.