Generally speaking, I’m a positive, happy and driven guy, and then at times, I’m not.
I’ve become more and more interested as to what happens when I’m off my game.
Let’s talk about anger for a moment.
I can trace back feelings of anger to being a kid, and through every chapter of my life.
I’m not angry all the time, but when I am, it can be crushing to me and those in my path.
Lately, I’ve started thinking about WHY anger shows up. I mean, after all, I have so much to be grateful for. So why such harsh emotions?
Here’s my take…
- I like to control things.
- I get frustrated when I can’t.
- Presto….anger has arrived.
Here was a HUGE AHA for me recently.
Anger doesn’t come from power, it comes from a lack of it.
Anger is weakness expressing itself in a final attempt to survive.
True power is centered, calm, and controlled. It’s strength based and resilient.
Let’s play with a metaphor here…
Think of a lion hunting for its next meal.
I’m not privy to a lions thoughts, but my guess is that he’s not angry. It’s focused, determined, and persistent. It’s powerfully in pursuit without being angry or upset.
This is a powerful visual for me.
What I really want is to win, to hit my goal, to achieve. I want to serve my family, friends and clients.
There’s no question that when I choose to use anger, I get something done, but often not what I REALLY want.
When I scream at my kids, I can get them to move, but at what cost? What’s the long-term negative consequence to this lazy approach to accomplishing my goal of getting the kids off to school, or putting them to sleep at night.
I might be moving their bodies, but crushing their souls.
I might have a short-term win, but losing long-term momentum.
So what do I really want?
I want progress without compromising my values of peace, love, respect, communication, and cooperation.
Lately, I’ve been getting subtle messages about this topic of anger, and that something needs to change.
Over the last 2 weeks…
- I’ve been having some minor health issues, and my doc told me that some of my physical challenges are due to the fact I need to deal with some unresolved anger.
Wait… Me? Really? Come on… I might get angry a bit, but who doesn’t. I don’t think it’s a real issue. I could see other people having that problem, but not me.
Maybe…just maybe…that’s the real issue at hand. My refusal to admit that something is truly bothering me, so I bottle it up, and push forward.
- On our monthly call for FRD members, the topic of anger came up. One dad talked about how he felt when he was a kid, and his dad would yell.
He said, “I remember vividly my dad raising his voice. It was scary. And now, as a dad, I find myself doing the same thing to my kids. The cycle needs to stop.”
- I was listening to an audiobook the other day – Beyond Mars and Venus, by Dr. John Grey.
In the book, he talked about the danger of anger (interesting how those words are so similar), and in the end, it wreaks havoc on your relationships. “Nothing good comes from anger”
After hearing all these messages, I knew something had to change for me.
So what am I going to do?
Well… that’s to be determined, as I’m currently experimenting, but I can tell you may plan.
- Be honest with myself. I’m angry more often than I’d like to be, and that must change. I’m a good dad, but not a perfect one.
- Learn about it. I’m going to pursue reading, watching, listening on this topic – and welcome any conversation in the Facebook group.
- Create a better schedule. I must make sure I’m taking care of myself, so I’m charged physically, emotionally, spiritually and any other way that supports my personal power.
- Break the pattern. By becoming more aware of what leads to anger, I can notice it, and do something to interrupt the moment just before meltdown.
Stay calm brothers.