Jason Kriedman is the founder of Dad University, which was created to help dads learn what they don’t teach in school. Through videos, podcasts, social media and speaking, they help businesses, organizations, and schools communicate with dads. Their mission is to get more dads involved, increase parenting effectiveness, and help dads find work/life balance.
He is also the founder of Dudes to Dads, a local San Diego group for Dads dedicated to discussing, learning, and sharing experiences on the transition from single man to family man. The group meets every other Tuesday evening to talk about parenting techniques, ways to improve your marriage, and tips to improve the overall quality of your life.
After the birth of his second child, Kriedman began taking parenting classes and seeking out answers to life’s daily frustrations. He knew he wanted to learn and help other dads in the community, but there were no resources to do this. He created Dudes to Dads in 2012.
Professionally, Kriedman is an internet entrepreneur and has been involved in internet marketing for more than 15 years. He is married to his elementary school sweetheart and has two energetic kids.
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Jason Kreidman: 00:58 Welcome to the show. I actually grew up in southern California, fairly close, maybe an hour or so away. It is pretty beautiful here. I had a friend from the middle class that moved out here and he said, basically, it’s the land of rainbows and Unicorns. I said to my buddy Kelly, who’s one of our members who lives real close to, I said, how do you get the work done? I mean, literally I was, I was scouting work around here. I can look out the window and if you see people, you know, people are walking your dog and they’re having coffee, either everyone’s an entrepreneur in here or they’re just independently wealthy. I don’t know.
Jason Kreidman: 01:36 Yeah, yeah. My parents came to visit, uh, here in Austin a couple of weeks ago. We went out to dinner on a Tuesday and my dad was like, what’s going on? What do all these people do? It’s a Tuesday night. This restaurant is packed or like, yeah, I mean, it’s a beach town, so absolutely pretty laid back. Do you surf? I grew up surfing. I wouldn’t call myself a surfer, but on an occasional, uh, I occasionally will get out. Okay. All right. So normally I go straight to family, but we’re on the topic of like maybe interests or hobbies. What do you do when you’re not working or being a parent, being a husband? What are you up to? Lots of exercise. Yeah, I work out every day and yoga. I also just recently got an electric skateboard. Ah, Nice. Very Encinitas Jason to and from work a couple of days a week.
Jason Kreidman: 02:31 Yeah. You’re getting outside of here is really easy to do. We just some camping too. I mean, I can’t with my kids, which I talk about a lot on my stuff. So yeah, it’s just, there’s the outdoor life is really easy to do here. There’s tons of things to do, whether it is the beach or you can go locally camping. I mean, you can go skiing only two hours away. So yeah, we get sort of the best of both worlds. Awesome. All right. Let’s talk about life at home. Tell us what’s going on there. So two son is 11 daughter is nine, know 13 years. And yeah, I mean going through it, just kids just started school, you know, so dealing with all that, they just started up school again. Summer is now gone. And Typical Encinitas, southern California family. I think were active kids or active wife is active, eat well, you know, and trying to sort of find that balance of you know, working families.
Jason Kreidman: 03:24 So it’s awesome man. Now you, you mentioned earlier that professionally you do work with SEO, underselling it, but you would do work in the Internet space, Internet marketing and marketing for 2020 plus years. That’s awesome. So I’m tempted to go down that rabbit hole a little bit, but I’m going to refrain cause this is about our families. So let’s talk about how you got into this dad university because I like what you’re up to man. You’ve got some real traction with this website. You said it was a passion project, you know it really, so you know you’re doing this kind of on the side, right? But you’ve got some great stuff out there. Yeah, it started kind of that way. I enjoy my internet marketing. I consult for companies and I actually had started a meetup maybe five, six years ago and it was just local here.
Jason Kreidman: 04:11 I second child. And I was just, I was getting frustrated. I was not understanding how to communicate with my kids and the things were happening. I didn’t understand why. And I found [inaudible] I was agitated a lot. And so I started this meetup group thinking there’s just gotta be other Dads, maybe I can learn from and maybe I can help if I can go through something. And so that’s how it started. And then graduate into a podcast and a weekly podcast that a guy that I had worked with, Alan said, no, I’m a dude. You’re the dad. Maybe we can provide this [inaudible] add the name at the time, dudes to dads. And oh cause we just started a podcast. And then that continued on and I just felt like there started to be a little bit of traction. I started getting, we have some inquiries from people about potentially speaking and then some, some brands were interested.
Jason Kreidman: 05:00 And so then I built this thing called Dad University. I started doing some video and once I started doing the videos, that’s where I saw it. The traction really happened. And so I started kind of maneuvering my business a little bit to be able to spend a little bit more time on this. I had some other things that I was doing that I got rid of and so like I could just focus a little bit more time on it. No, I already had a little bit of staff and so nope. Our time they were able to help me out with that. And, and it just became, it’s sort of evolved and so now, yeah, now we’re looking at know there some real traction there and it’s exciting, you know, people are really interested in this for me, started as a passion and continues to be a passion, you know, so the late nights are not difficult.
Jason Kreidman: 05:47 You know, when I work all day and I’m still up at 1112 o’clock 1112 o’clock at night recording it, it doesn’t bother me. And you know, because I’m enjoying it. And then the feedback I’m getting is just incredible as you know. I mean, when someone comes to you and just said, hey, this really affected me in a positive way. There’s just nothing that I can compare that to. Yeah. And just getting those emails and the those comments and stuff, it’s really cool. And it’s not a space that’s saturated by any means. In fact, this is underserved and in many ways. Right. I was mentioning earlier that one of our guys had just said, hey, I went to search for, you know, expecting fathers, right? Like Hey, I’ve got a kid on the way and I wasn’t info and I struggled to find the great stuff. So here we go.
Jason Kreidman: 06:32 Right? Like we’re going to introduce this to the guys. And interestingly we talked to pre show about, hey, what could we cover? That was actually the direction that we wanted to head in. Was that kind of advice for new dads? I hadn’t looked at your youtube channel, but I see that your top video from sorting this correctly, over 108,000 views on top seven advice tips for new dads. Yeah. What’s, what’s funny is I’ve almost done a hundred videos now and that was I think my second video. So for those on the business side, I mean that’s what’s funny is like, you know, the lighting not thinking about that stuff, they’re just obviously going after the content. It was really funny because like literally right before I was recording that my light was falling down or like the sheet was, you know, not, it was, it was a mess as we voted, you know, and I now have a great editor and I, it’s like equipment and cameras and that kind of stuff and it was just funny looking back now and obviously that’s something that resonated with the ball, that video.
Jason Kreidman: 07:34 It’s an interesting thing about video because I remember Brendan Burchard saying that he had put up a video one time that was like really poor quality and it went crazy. Yeah. And got a ton of views and then he rerecorded it with better quality and it did nothing. Okay. Yeah. Some of that I will say is algorithm too. Yeah. Obviously. Yeah. It’s hard to predict what resonates with people. And in the dad world, you were sort of mentioning there wasn’t a lot of content out there. And that’s exactly like what motivated me to, I was looking for know instruction. And so the way that I do my videos is how I like to learn. Yeah. And so a lot of it is like, here’s number one, here’s number two, here’s number three. It’s very linear and you know, and then we’re, we’re experimenting obviously with like, you know, storytelling and those kinds of things to get those the information across in different ways.
Jason Kreidman: 08:27 Yeah. It’s its own animal. You know. [inaudible] interesting. Well let’s get into some of the advice for new dads because if that’s the top video then, and we didn’t plan or prepare this, I said we’re just gonna roll with it, but, and, and feel free to improvise here as much as you want, but like, cause you’ve been at it for a while now your views have likely evolved and change. So we don’t have to go with the list of seven that are in the video. But just when you think about maybe that video, the feedback you’ve gotten about it, which of those tips do you feel people have resonated the most with out of that video? Well, I think it’s actually more of a psychological thing is that you’re not alone. So that’s probably the number one seeing that a man often will feel like just not doing this right or like everyone else seems to get it.
Jason Kreidman: 09:15 And that was one of the things I wanted to make sure I can bay, it’s going to be okay, this is, we all go through, this is a common thing whenever your child is experiencing is very common. What you’re experiencing is very common. Wife is experiencing her girlfriends experience. It’s very common [inaudible] that’s probably the number one piece of advice is just to [inaudible] be okay with what’s happening and Yep. This is totally normal. Yeah. You know, and then we go into the very specifics of like, you know, hey, always use buck paste when you’re changing a diaper or you, you know, the different things that you’re going to experience with pregnancy. And there’s those kinds of tactical tips. But I think the overarching thing is to just for Dads, new dads to just feel like, hey, wow, everybody else has kind of gone through the same thing and I’m going to be okay.
Jason Kreidman: 10:09 Right? I’m gonna make it. I’m going to be maybe have a lack of sleep. My life’s going to change a little bit. Well, I’m going to be okay. Yeah. You know, this idea of being alone is, that’s why front row dads is growing. That’s why I think dad university is growing is that this is a place where, look, we understand masterminding for our business. We understand getting advice there. Whenever we want to grow something in our business, we go read, we learn, we go to articles, we read books, we do all that. The thing is that I feel like some guys, at least let me speak for myself and what some have told me is there’s almost a belief that we’re supposed to know what to do as a dad though, and we don’t. And there’s shocking moments when you realize that you don’t know what’s going on.
Jason Kreidman: 10:50 Like that moment when you’re in the hospital and they’re like, here’s your baby and you’re like, you’re going to give this to me like, aren’t you the pro? Like wait a minute, hold on. It is a weird moment when they’re like, here you go, right. Then they’re like, wait a minute, is somebody going to come down and like do put the car seat in for me? And you know, there are some moments like that that, that uh, the instincts in parenting really makes sense a lot of times know, okay, what’s your instinctive reaction or your instinctive gut tells you to do is often times not what is best for the situation or best for the child or best for you or, so that’s been interesting too. No, just like, and we don’t learn it. I mean nobody’s [inaudible] yeah, that’s our whole thing is like you’re teaching dads what they don’t learn in school.
Jason Kreidman: 11:34 It’s like, even for me, I have, I would consider amazing parents. I had loving parents, we had a close family. It was brought up in a self-improvement environment. My mom was an author and seminar speaker and know, but it didn’t matter when it came to the parenting of my theater life, how to handle sibling rivalry, like just didn’t know what to do. Yeah. You know? And so that kind of stuff, it didn’t really matter that I, it was brought up in that environment versus even somebody who’s brought up in an environment where they never see anything because my gut didn’t work. My Gut wasn’t working, I wasn’t happy using my gut. Like the end result was my kid was still screaming and whining and I was stressed out and I’m arguing with my wife and you know, this gut thing’s not working. So there’s gotta be some actual tasks, the goal things, some strategies that I can use that are going to be easier for me, be better for my children, be more harmonious.
Jason Kreidman: 12:32 My wife and I, you know that. So I’m looking at your top seven here, by the way. I found it in the article, right? Or in the notes and the youtube video. So number one by buck pace, lots of it. Great. So, uh, number two, put your baby on an angle. Yeah, right when, uh, while changing while sleeping. So number three was paid extra attention to your wife. That’s fantastic. Number four, scheduled, divide and conquer, assigning tasks and responsibilities. So everything is clear. Number five, spend time alone with the baby. Number six, your baby or toddler is going to really piss you off at some point. That’s right. Don’t take it personally. And there will be times when you’ll doubt your ability [inaudible] to be a father. Those came from success in which of those came from a place of pain for you, you know, half and half.
Jason Kreidman: 13:26 And you gotta remember too, that’s what I said. That was my second video. I mean those, those were at the time pretty good. But as, I mean, I now have done, you know, 15 or so related to brand new dads. Yeah, we have, they have a playlist for new dads. There’s a lot of stuff there and it ranges from the actual stuff on the baby too. How to take care of yourself to actually then have a support. The mom, you know, [inaudible]. They’re all different areas and so we’ve expanded on those. Yeah. Let’s talk about a couple of those a little bit more in depth. Let’s talk about, first of all, supporting your wife. I think that’s a huge piece of being a new dad, right? Is this supporting your wife and also being able to not only just hate, sometimes we say support your wife.
Jason Kreidman: 14:13 It’s like what can you do for her, but a lot of supporting your wife is what you’re doing for yourself so that you don’t act like an asshole. There is a new level of managing your own emotions so that you don’t just fly off the handle because with your, you put a recipe together like a new child not knowing what to do, lack of sleep, right. Hormonal changes and all that. That’s a recipe for some really explosive arguments. Right? Oh is the key to being a great support for the guys that are maybe entering this for the first time or guys that are having a baby again and need to reminded of this? The number one thing I talked about is empathy. And for me that was a game changer. Understanding empathy and empathy for those that maybe not are familiar with it is putting yourself in somebody else’s shoes.
Jason Kreidman: 15:07 It’s like looking at the situation from their perspective. So when I did that for my wife and for my kids and everything else, my life changed. I mean, literally I started to understand things in a way that I’d never understood before. And the fact is, is when your wife, let’s say, is going through pregnancy, sometimes we forget she’s going through pregnancy and what that means, the physicalness of it and the emotional like. And so when you start to be empathetic, you stop thinking about yourself. Yeah. Not because you’re not selfish, you’re not thinking about, what is it that I need? What is it that I want? You started looking at them going, wow, that’s gotta be really hard to go through that. And you start to change the way that you talk and the way that you make decisions and the way they do it now, it doesn’t mean you’re totally giving up everything the ground and you’re just, yeah, your whole life is dedicated towards that.
Jason Kreidman: 16:05 But having that side and being empathetic [inaudible] is so powerful and it’s just like I said, it really changed. It changed the dynamic of my wife and I relationship. And then also the way that I parent my kids. What types of things should guys be on the lookout for? You know, when they’re being empathetic, cause somebody might say, great, I want to put myself in her shoes, but I’ve never walked in her shoes. So how do I actually get there if I don’t actually understand what she’s going through? And I, I don’t you listen. I mean, being part of just being empathetic is just listening. Yeah. We as men always think we have to solve the problem. We don’t, we don’t have to solve the problem. We literally just need to be there and listen. And so when she is complaining about her feet and they hurt and they’re swollen, you can say, Gosh, you know, that it does look like it hurts.
Jason Kreidman: 16:55 You know, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help or anything I can do to help is a good question. Sometimes women have difficulty saying the help that they need. She might, for some women, they just think that you’re supposed to know what you’re supposed to do, but that’s not the case. And you can say, you know, hey listen, I want to help you. What is it that I could do? Um, rather than like, what you can do this, why don’t you put your feet up and blah, like, you know, we don’t have to solve the problem all the time. And I think that that’s what happens with a lot of guys is that like, even if a woman is complaining or their friends are complaining or whatever, we think we need to solve the problem and they’re not asking us to solve the problem.
Jason Kreidman: 17:35 They’re just telling us what’s going on. Yeah. And so I often, I’ll actually do that with my kids a lot now when my kids come to me with something, okay. Complaint or whatever, I said, Oh wow, I’m sorry that you’re going through that. Is there something that you want me help you with or you, and I’ll ask that question rather than, well, you know what you need to do, son, do you need to do? Yeah, I just don’t even go there. Yeah. I, I allow them to. And so I think with the wife, that’s an important, and you know, when you talk about listening, you know, listening is solving a problem. It’s problem of not being heard or understood or listened to. So we have to remember that while it may not feel like an active solution, it is, it’s actually solving the problem of somebody not being heard.
Jason Kreidman: 18:19 Right? Yeah. So we all want to feel heard. We all want to feel understood. And you disengage the attention a lot by just acknowledging the situation. So if somebody is coming at you, they’re like, I can’t believe [inaudible], you know, whatever. And you’re like, yeah, wow. That really does sound like a big deal. Yup. Like there’s nothing that they don’t worry about. Who wants to hear that? No. Who wants to do you remember the old Chris Rock skit where he’s like, he’s literally responding and he’s, I can’t remember what he was saying, but it was something like, whenever my wife says this, he’s like, that bitch. You don’t say no. You know, like, it’s just like this idea of, of total, like just acknowledgement. Like Tatyana ones for me, she wants me when somebody, she’s angry at somebody. She doesn’t want me to say, well how do we see the bright side of that or whatever.
Jason Kreidman: 19:13 Like where my coach comes out, she wants me to respond with that ditch really? And she’s like, all of a sudden I’m on her side. She’s really happy with that. As much as I’d like to believe we’re more evolved humans than that, but that’s really where we would get to. Like she just wants to know I’ve got her back. Absolutely. That’s an important thing. We want the same. I don’t, I complained to my wife thinking, oh, I want her to tell you or say something I’m dealing with. I don’t want her to answer it for me. I’m not asking her for a solution that’s different. If I came to her and said, hey hon, what do you think of this? What would you do? I don’t remember who it was and it’s going to hit me later, but it’s a on our show. We had a gentleman who said, do you want me to fix it or feel it?
Jason Kreidman: 19:52 And I thought that was really good. Just you want me to fix it or feel it? And I’ve used that multiple times. And Yeah, the other one I’m thinking about when you’re talking about advice for new dads and especially with young ones for the first time and what you can do for your wife. Uh, and I agree that sometimes you’ll ask that question, what can I do? And they don’t know. We actually faced that in our charity front row foundation where people, when they’re fighting for their life, I’ve heard people say there’s a woman who wrote a book called alongside and it was all about how to treat people in their time of need and one of them is that asking the question, what can I do? It doesn’t always give you the answer. People just need you to do something. So rather than having to ask, it’s like if you have a neighbor in need, like just bring them food, drop it off on the front doorstep.
Jason Kreidman: 20:35 Don’t ask them what kind of food they like, just that don’t happen. Don’t ask them if they need you to cut the lawn and just we’ll cut the lawn. I think with our wives it can be the similar thing where, listen [inaudible] we should know at least we should be interested in knowing their love language. How do they like to be served and then try to meet [inaudible]. It needs at a higher level than even that you might think as a reasonable go above and beyond with their love languages during that time. Now certain love languages may not be like if it’s physical touch, she might not want to be touched. So there’s certain things that you can do. Like one of them is just given her time. Wouldn’t you agree? Like just take the baby. And I think it’s crazy that some guys are like, hey, that’s kinda her department.
Jason Kreidman: 21:17 It’s like, no, she’s not any better at changing diapers and you are, you’re both working. Do it this like go, yeah. Busy changing diapers. Like do something, take maybe a hold the baby, spend time with the baby. Do you agree that that’s a really critical element is for guys to just hold the child, spend time with the child, right. Just as much as you can. Look, you can’t do the breastfeeding deal. Got It. You can change, you can bathe, you can spend time, you can snuggle and all that. Physical touch is so important. Yeah. We talked about presence, the quality of the time versus the quantity. I tell a story that you know, there was a guy that I was speaking with, he’s an adult and he said that, you know, he only got to spend a couple of like a couple of weeks a year with his dad just because of the divorce settlement or whatever.
Jason Kreidman: 22:05 But he said it was the best weeks of his life because his dad was like absolutely with him. Like just, they would do stuff and still to this day still has a great relationship with his dad and it was, the quality of the time was so high. I mean that’s one aspect, but you’re right. You know, the idea of, I think with the wife, you know, another tactic you could take was maybe there’s three things and you say, hey listen, I’m wanting to do these things for you. Which one would be the most helpful for you? So that she doesn’t make me feel, who knows? I mean, you have to understand your spouse and how they liked things work. You talked to them in a, at a time where she’s not in me. Yeah. Maybe when she’s doing okay or when she’s, before it happens or saying, hey, what are the things that would be really important for you?
Jason Kreidman: 22:50 No, for me to take the child in here did it [inaudible] and you’re right. Sometimes you just got to do it. But I think there are some people that it may not resonate well. Yeah, that’s the part where I’m hesitant. Sometimes I, I give advice for my own stand point. I know over time I’ve just learned what my wife values. She’s an act of service girl, you know? And so for her, yeah, for me cleaning up something, washing something like that, that’s what she loves. And so it was the same thing with the baby. Like if I just took the baby and did this, other people might feel differently. So you have to know your spouse or your spouse for sure. So we’ve got seven items on this advice for new dads list. What would be the eight if you added one to it right now? Well, I’d probably, the empathy. Empathy would really be that. The thing, I mean I have don’t take it personally. And the other things, but the empathy is just, it is the most powerful parenting communication tool for me that it just really resonates and it just works.
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Speaker 2: 24:40 Hi. One of the things you might be wondering is, does leaving my family make me a better dad or husband? The answer is for many of you, I know you travel a bunch, you do other things and the idea for this one is you have to retreat to advance. You have to take a step back to gain the perspective so that we can go back and crush it within our families. This is the same concept that works in business where you take a moment, you think, you plan, you strategize, you work on your family so that you can be better in your family. If that all sounds good, check it out front row, dads.com what are the most
Jason Kreidman: 25:11 common questions you’re getting now from new dads and are you getting these questions? I’m imagining that people are reaching out. Asking additional questions is it may be facilitating conversation about what your next bit of content will be and what’s relevant for men now. Yeah. You know it’s funny, a lot of the dads are very tactical. They want to know like how do you work the baby? Yeah. When you teach the baby. Um, and it’s funny because when I first set out to do this for me, those things just [inaudible] you become an expert at changing a baby after three times, you know? So for me I was looking at more of the emotional stuff, like the emotional intelligence and you know, dealing with anger and fears and that kind of stuff. And I think we’re still at an at a difficult spot with men of willingness and also B, I’m a search expert.
Jason Kreidman: 25:58 They’re not searching for that stuff. They are searching for how to Burp the baby. How do I change the baby? Things to do with the baby. Like they literally just want lists and information on tactical things on what I should do. Give me an instruction list. Yeah. That’s the type of questions that I get the majority. Yeah. Yeah. That’s interesting. Has any of that, let’s think about your biggest realization in the last year. Like what’s changed for you? Where have you grown as a dad through this teaching, through your conversations with these men and where have you had the biggest shift in your belief system? If at all, I think of just how much I, I am responsible for my own feelings. That’s probably been the biggest shift for me. In other words, you know, when I’m mad, realizing that I am making the decision to be like I was really up to me.
Jason Kreidman: 26:57 Yeah. And I’ve made a couple of videos about this and it’s just, it’s something that, I mean my wife just the other day was recognizing incense, just like, gosh, it’s been really great. I think I’m just overall in a better mood as a result of it. I don’t have the high, the lows and the, just understanding that life’s kind of short and then how I act my kids are in seeing. Yeah. So, you know, I used to be a little bit more of a yeller. I mean my energy levels high as it is, but I think I used to have a little bit more emotion as far as negative. And so I think I’ve just made that sort of a priority for me. I still give myself permission to get upset, get mad and get angry and all those things. [inaudible] last much less time. Yeah. I get over it quicker now and even like an argument with my wife, I mean we still argue the differences.
Jason Kreidman: 27:47 It doesn’t last three days. Yeah, no, I’m not going into a cave and hibernating and like, oh, she regret that. No, it’s like that afternoon or to an hour later we’re talking, I’m talking about and saying, you know, I probably could have handled that. No, it just happened the other day where I got upset at something. She did stupid. It was on me, but I normally would have in the past probably been three days out. Yeah. And I just came home and I said, I’m really sorry for the way that I handled that and granted call it falling on the sword, you know, whatever. It just felt so much better for me. I didn’t have to hold that energy for a long period of time. I was like, I don’t want to feel like this. Yeah. This is not what I want. I want to feel good. I want to feel loving.
Jason Kreidman: 28:32 I want it to, you know, in a good mood. I think that’s probably for me over the last year probably to doing this, just really trying to change my attitude. What do you think triggers you the most? Whining. Oh, as far as kids. Yeah, the windings tough. I still have a tough time with that. Especially now that my kids are older. They shouldn’t be whining anymore. Yeah. How about you? Oh, I still it. I’m 44 so yeah, cause I’m, yeah, it’s interesting. Definitely that can wear on you. That’s like nails down a chalkboard at times too because even just the vibrational energy around that, not even about, but just that’s tough. Crying or noises, especially if somebody is really sensitive to that can be just massively triggering. I’m really fascinated with this idea of what triggers us and how do we recover and how do we bounce back and also the things that we’re doing to manage our emotional, to master our emotions the best we can.
Jason Kreidman: 29:33 And that’s one of our pillars in front row dads. And I’ve talked openly about this. Like even I gave up drinking a year ago, not because I crashed car, I got the DUI or anything like that, but because I was literally looking at all the things that could be triggers for my emotional meltdowns when I had them and I had them, you know, and I would apologize for them and you know, I’ve gotten quicker and quicker. I recognize that this morning in fact, that we got into a little something and I was like, hi, I’m impressed at myself at how fast I was able to let that go. And I’ve kind of come to the conclusion also that forgiveness is one of the most important pieces of making things work in a family. Just to it. Period. Yeah. You don’t have to be right all the time. It’s like, do you want to be loved or you want to be right?
Jason Kreidman: 30:12 Yeah. Okay. That’s exactly it. Yeah. And also the more things that stress me, I realized that one of the greatest things I can teach my kids is that as how to deal with stress. Right. It’s not even like I used to think it was how to throw the ball or how to do math or how to do these things. But one of the biggest lessons in life is when you get stressed, how do you deal with that? And so I look at that now as a challenge for me to learn how to deal with my own emotions so that I can help them. Now I want them to know I’m emotional. I want them to know I still get upset. I’m not trying to get to the point where I’m never upset. I don’t even think that’s a realistic goal, but that when I do get upset that I handle it responsibly, that I don’t like throw a baseball through a window every single time I get upset, but that I can also recover from it.
Jason Kreidman: 30:58 Yeah, no, for sure. I think another thing too, which just as you were talking, it’s feeling like maybe that you’re, you’re being heard, and so then I have to look at it and for myself and saying, okay, I’m talking to my kids. I’ve asked them to do this multiple times. Yep. Well, something’s not working right. Right. Know whether it was pick up something or whether it was the task that needed to be done. And so I do, I try to put myself in their shoes and like, well, I just want to play outside too. Yeah, you, and that’s what they’re thinking of. They live so much that. So I think partly that can be some of my frustrations also is not feeling like you are being heard. And that can come with the wife. That can come with any, it’s like, you know, we all want to feel like we’re heard and we’re being, you know, people are understanding what we’re saying and they’re listening.
Jason Kreidman: 31:49 I have those talks with my kids because when they ask something of me, I made sure that I, you know, I do it. And so I expect those same things in return. We’re a family. That’s how we respect each other. Yeah. Yeah. That’s awesome man. I want to stick with this theme about new dads for new dads because I feel like this is not been served on our podcast at all. And I think this is a really big one. When you think back over, you mean, Gosh, you’ve now had kids for 13 years. Uh, you were expecting kids 14 years ago, right?
Jason Kreidman: 32:24 Yeah. So the question is, oh nine and 11. Oh, I’m sorry, married for 13 years. Sorry, I’ve read that wrong in my notes, but um, it’s been awhile is the point, right? And you’ve also seen other dads, uh, that, you know, where do you feel that, like who comes to mind? Like a stellar new dad, somebody that knocked it out of the park and when, if we were to like dig into their world and look for their best practices, you know, might we find something there that we haven’t shared already that we’ve talked about? I mean, did you mean like a celebrity or anybody could be anybody that you think just knocked it out of the park. Something they did or sad or how they acted, what schedule they had. And I’ll give you an example. So that [inaudible] one of my, there’s some extreme examples out there, like one of my friends, Tim, he had built pretty successful business, but he chose to totally bow out of business for the first five years of his kids’ lives.
Jason Kreidman: 33:19 So he was at home as like with his wife at home. Now that created some interesting challenges as well, but I thought that was pretty epic, right? Yeah. Amassed a certain amount of wealth and success in his life to be able to create that type of sustainability. And I thought that was really cool. In fact, you know, um, now I see guys doing that more and more where they’re taking more time off of work, they’re spending more time at home. They’re not like, hey, this is my wife’s responsibility. But they’re actually saying I’m going to take some time off as well. And I think as a society, I look at those men who are able to build lives and I get it. Some people have jobs where that’s not possible. So I’m speaking about somebody who’s created a world and we tend to attract a lot of entrepreneurs, but you can manage your life in that way.
Jason Kreidman: 34:04 And I think that’s something for guys to consider is like, look, you’re going to want to go back to work because that’s where you’re a rock star. You get to control things. You’re the boss, you have assistance and people that do things when you want them to, you get to create, you get to play. You’re like my world as a keynote speaker, it’s like I’m on stage. People are giving me ovations. Like of course I want to go do that, but we can hide it. It’s that whole like I need to go work for the family. And it’s like, yeah, do you really like or are you hiding there? Because being a new dad is hard because being with your wife is hard because she is maybe hormonal and all these things are going on. But when I think about successful guys, I see guys that invest real time, right?
Jason Kreidman: 34:44 And I think that’s just one of the things I’ve noticed and I’ve seen that more and more where guys are taking more time to be with their wives and just be supportive. Just be there, be at home, not be on the phone, not be working. Yeah, kind of what we touched on before it quality and not the quantity. I would actually push back on that a little bit and say I think it’s quantity and quality. Well, I mean sure in a scenario where you can, but at the same time, I mean I can tell you I wouldn’t, this is being candid. I wouldn’t last being at home with my kids all the time when they were gone. I’ve been able to do it wouldn’t have been fulfilling for me. Yeah. That I don’t think it resonates with everybody is because as I learned more and you know, I’m not looking back now and saying, oh, I wish I would’ve spent more time with my kids. I did spend a good amount of time with my kids, but I knew that for me, I needed that I balance or I call it more harmony because of that fulfillment. So sure. I mean, for that person who takes off five, that’s great for them, but I don’t necessarily, I admire it for him because he did what he wanted to do. Exactly.
Jason Kreidman: 35:57 I mean, essentially if I could afford to do it, that’s not my DNA. It’s not, you know, for me, I, I thrive on other things and it actually, I think because of that I was able to do, my wife was great about it, is I was able to do the business stuff where I was then present for my kids and able to do that so that I could concentrate more. So for me it was a little different. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I think probably the ideal scenario is that whatever the person’s situation is in, it works best for them. So if they’re in a situation where the wish where they wish they could stay home more, then yeah, that’s not it. They’re not in a great situation. Okay. You know, maybe they’re complaining that they don’t have enough time with their kids or you know, vice versa.
Jason Kreidman: 36:42 So I think, you know, like for me, I wasn’t complaining that I didn’t have enough time with my kids. Yeah, no I’m an entrepreneur could do as much work as I wanted to and then go home. Nope. And even now, like, yeah, you know, because I have that flexibility, I can go see their stuff during the day if I need to go, I do. So I have that flexibility. But so yeah, like I guess I was just being candid, it’s like yeah, I wouldn’t have done that for fire and I didn’t, I didn’t do that. What I did do. Okay. Yeah. And I don’t think I would’ve been able to do that or, or that I would’ve been fulfilled or that would’ve been the right thing. Cause then my wife couldn’t either. My wife did. I think you’re spot on with, it’s always about what works for the family.
Jason Kreidman: 37:24 The one thing that I like giving guys a models of though is that like [inaudible] I could see a new guy out there or a guy out there with a child on the way and he’s basically saying, well, how much is enough then? Right? Because there’s also doing what you know what’s healthy for you. And then there’s like you’re taking care of yourself a lot, right? Like you almost need to hit here’s a, here’s some advice to just, you need the suffer a little bit here. Like if you’re like, hey, what I really need is to wake up and go to the gym from six to seven every day and I really need to give my best hours to the business from seven 30 till five and I really need to go for a walk with the dog so that I’m mentally stable so that I get home and I can spend 30 minutes with my kids before they go to bed.
Jason Kreidman: 38:06 You could easily sell yourself on why your best Irving, your family by not being there right. By taking care of yourself. So what I’m wondering is how do you view striking that balance? Like where would you look at it as like, and where have you seen guys look at it? Hey, this is just a sacrifice too. Like it’s not changing a diapers. Like there’s parts of it that are just like, oh this is my baby. Right. But there’s other parts of it that are like this just this is tough. Like this is just flat out. Cool. Yeah. And you mentioned like each family differently. I’ll give you the example. I, there was a stint where I was working with a company and I was staying late and my son was born when my son was young. And my wife put me in check and she said, Hey Jason, I think it’d be really important for you to be home for dinner.
Jason Kreidman: 38:49 And I was like, I didn’t even realize. Yeah. And I absolutely, I was like, you know what? I didn’t realize it. It’s cause I had been creeping. It’s getting later and later and later and just not realizing. And we had said beforehand that it was just, the dinners were really important for us to have family dinners and stuff. And so we just have that communication where, you know, she was able to say that to me and I was, I just realized, I said, you know what, you’re right. So I think it’s the communication and knowing that it works or both. And then at the same time understanding, you kind of have to look at your kids too. You as my kids get it older, their desire is to spend more time with their friends. Yeah, no question. That’s where they are their avenue. But it’s funny.
Jason Kreidman: 39:30 The other day I said hey to my son, cause my wife was taking my daughter somewhere for the night. I said, hey, you and me, and this was a Saturday night right before school, hey you and me are going for a skateboard ride. We’re going to go out to dinner. And he was like, okay, okay. It’s like he’s thinking he’s going to sleep over at his friend’s house. Yeah. But so I still like, yeah, we’ll grab that time. Well, I think part of it though is a little bit of, it’s selfish, but it’s looking at your children and seeing do they need it? Am I, do I need to be there more? Um, the question if you have to ask typically means yes you do. And so I think yeah, it’s communicating with the family and the balance and just knowing that the family dynamic may require you or at least will benefit from you being there.
Jason Kreidman: 40:16 No, I just know like when my wife had to work and I was able to stay home and like, yeah, that worked best for us. [inaudible] [inaudible] no, I couldn’t have been there 24, seven. I wouldn’t have been able to do it. It wouldn’t have been good for me either. You know? And I don’t think my children would benefit from that. But like you said, I could’ve made any excuses of why it wouldn’t have been good for my family. That’s the tough part is really being honest with yourself. Often Times about what you need and what’s right for the family because I’ve hidden behind, hey, what’s really right for me is doing this. But it’s because I was missing a piece over here. I didn’t, I wasn’t asking the right questions. I didn’t have the open dialogue. I met my wife has said to me several times, she’s like, I wasn’t there a lot when my kids were young.
Jason Kreidman: 40:57 All right. I did my second child. I took eight weeks off and I just basically turned off work and stayed home and just shopped and cleaned and cooked and did as much as I could so that my wife could breastfeed and sleep and just get as much rest as she could. Right. That was kind of the goal. But then I went back on the road right away and she’s like, you weren’t, there are a lot for our kids earlier years. And part of why I started front row dads is not because I felt like I’d crushed it. It was because I felt like I was getting crushed. Buy It. Right. So I started it because I wanted answers, not because I had them all. I was a dad who worked a lot and I wasn’t. And I hid behind my work. I was like, I gotta make the money for the family.
Jason Kreidman: 41:34 And that was me. So yeah. No, and it happens. I mean, I still have to make those decisions all the time. That’s why I don’t call it work life balance. It’s really work life harmony. Yeah. How you doing? But even now, I mean, you know, it’ll be a an evening and I’m recording about dad’s stuff. Well my family’s at home. You’re having dinner. Yeah. I’m not having dinner with my family. But you know, the other five nights during the week or four nights during the week, I have no, so part of that is that harmony and now that my kids are a little bit older, they’re very supportive. My wife is very supportive. That’s part of it too, is making you a better dad man to talk about it. Right. Teach what you need to learn. Yeah. Making you a better dad. Teach what you need to learn.
Jason Kreidman: 42:16 Yeah. Right. One person teaches, two people learn as the old saying goes, so, hey, this has been awesome. I know we’re coming up against the clock here. Jason, anything that you want to say that hasn’t been said? That was an important message that you want to get out there to all the guys that are listening and you’re doing tremendous work. And let me say thank you by the way, for what you’re doing for taking this or putting that out there. It’s just wonderful whether people watch it and agree with it or not. Like the fact that you’re putting it out there and you’re just sharing what your insights are, what you’re learning from others. I think it’s brilliant. Did you get to have the final words here? Anything you want to say to the guys? Yeah, I think just stick with it. You know, the, the fact that you’re, if somebody is listening to this podcast, that alone, um, be proud of themselves.
Jason Kreidman: 42:57 You know, and I think the, the fact is that to be able to pass it around and not be afraid to share this with other dads, I think that you had asked me sort of, or know sort of limitations maybe with doing this and the, like we were talking about a little bit like demand and that kind of thing. And one of the things is his dad’s just are sharing this information. You know, this is something that women do share. Oh, I heard about this. And Yeah, they share it. My wish would be for men to share things more, you know? And the fact is is like, yeah, you know, this podcast, oh, this is how you can have work life balance it. Send that to some of your buddies that you know, that are dealing with some stuff, you know, and don’t be afraid.
Jason Kreidman: 43:37 It’s not judgment, it’s not anything. When you do that and it’s like, hey man, if you can use this, I think this will be great for you. Right? So I think that’s maybe the one thing to leave people with is that I think sharing this information, like this podcast and the work that you’re doing and that we’re all doing that would be the same, you know, be okay with letting other dads know that out there. Yeah. In our brotherhood we have bands, so we call them bands, play on words from band of brothers, but also like a band, like literally like a rock band, right? We get together and we all bring different strengths to the table. Everybody plays a different instrument, but when you put them all together, you make something awesome. And so we have, my band meets once a month for two hours and I always tell guys, this has been one of the best things ever for me is to have a group of guys that we meet with monthly and we’ve talked about who we want to be for each other.
Jason Kreidman: 44:24 How honest do we want to be? Right? If you have a concern about somebody in the group, how do you want to bring it up? We get really, really transparent. We honor that time. We guard it like our lives depend on it and as a result of that, we’re all better husbands and fathers because we have community. So you’ve got your best friend in the world that you might tell everything to. You’ve got a smaller group and then it just gradually builds out. And when you, if we get into the business of sharing best practices, look, it works for our businesses. It has to work for our families too, right? And so I love it man. Thank you again for being on the show and thank you. Let us be an honest, and this is really cool. I’m excited. I’m 13 he’s married a nine year old, 11 year old and here you are man. You’re smiling, you’ve got a business. Grouting you’re helping dads like you’re living the dream. You live in Encinitas, Brian. Yeah, no. Hey, it’s real now. You know, if there’s, there are struggles or there’s anger, there’s disappointment, there’s all that stuff. It’s the marathon.
Jason Kreidman: 45:23 And that’s the stuff that really counts. And so you know when you’re in the, the middle of the night with your baby crying, you realize like if you look at the big picture it’s going to be okay. Yeah, he’s going to be okay. Yeah, it’s funny. Talk about the real life. The other day I posted a picture of me and my four year old on the bike. It was like an Instagram story or whatever and how we’re smiling and around the bike and like on the way to take our 10 year old to school. And I just realized that like that morning there was like meltdowns. There was crazy stuff and I’m like there should have been like the post. It’s like what happened the hour before and after this perfect photos taken like talking about real life. Well and that’s some of the stuff we want to obviously put on that we do want to talk about.
Jason Kreidman: 46:02 And I want to make sure people do understand that it’s not all perfect and it’s okay to talk about it and mental health and all those things. It makes it okay to discuss it. You know? Definitely. Well, I look forward to more conversations. Jason, thanks again for the time. Really appreciate you being here and for all the guys out there, you should go check out the email@example.com or find them on youtube. Uh, the channel is dad university, some greats there. Man, you’ve done a really wonderful job with it. Any other places people should go find you or check out your work? I mean, we’re on all social channels, so I mean, anywhere somebody hangs out they can go. Dan University channels. That’s awesome man. Jason, thanks again for being here. Take care.
Speaker 2: 46:44 Hey guys, if you haven’t already done so, go right now to front row dads.com/facebook and join the conversation that’s happening right now on line. We designed this group for guys who are entrepreneurial in their thinking. They’re high performing guys with low egos. We’re looking for the dads that believe in teaching their kids how to think, solve problems and be real leaders. We’re looking for guys who believe in being family, men with businesses, not businessmen with families. We’re looking for the fathers who have great knowledge, but also believe that they have so much more to learn. And we’re looking for men who want to add value by sharing their wisdom and those that are willing to ask the questions that we all need and want answers to. That’s front row dads.com/facebook or simply go to type in front row dads and you’ll get to our group and what we put in there, links to all the podcasts and videos and other resources that you can’t get access to anywhere else except for in this group. We want to give you the best ideas to help you with your marriage, balancing work and family life communication strategies with your spouse and also your children, travel ideas and even suggestions on the latest gear that would save you time and help you be more effective. We’ve got updates on upcoming events and so much more. Go right now to front row dads.com/facebook and join the conversation. I’ll look forward to connecting with you there.
Speaker 3: 48:11 [inaudible].