How a Child Actually Sees Their Dad (and How to Have More Impact) w/ Dr. Meg Meeker
Your kid figures out in about fifteen seconds whether you see them, and what they decide shapes the rest of their day. Dr. Meg Meeker, pediatrician and best-selling author of Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, doesn’t tell dads what to do. She shows them how their kids actually see them, and it is not how most of us see ourselves. This is part two of the conversation Jon had with her in 2024, and whether you have a daughter or a son, it’s for you.
Your kid reads you in 15 seconds
Meg says every child who walks into a room figures out almost instantly what kind of mood their dad is in, and whether he’s actually seeing them.
“Every child who walks into the room figures out within 15 seconds what kind of mood their dad is in. They need to know, in that moment: is my dad seeing me? Is he going to pay attention to me? And what does he think about me right now?”
Mom has to, dad chooses
This is the line Meg keeps coming back to, and the reason a father’s attention lands so differently than a mother’s.
“In a child’s eyes, mom has to pay attention. Mom has to think they’re great. Mom has no choice in a child’s eyes. But when dad chooses to say what they think about the child and communicate their beliefs and thoughts about the child, they can do anything they want in the whole wide world.”
The sentence that got her into medical school
After being rejected by every school she applied to, Meg overheard her father say something he didn’t even remember saying.
“I heard my dad say to this person, ‘Yes, my daughter Meg will be going to medical school in the next year or two.’ I was flabbergasted. I didn’t think I was going to go. I was a failure. But my dad believed I was going. And when I heard that, I was going.”
“A couple of years later, I said to my dad, ‘What you said in that conversation was a life changer for me.’ He didn’t remember the conversation, because he was just saying it. But he communicated to that person, I think my daughter is able to do whatever she wants. I knew he believed it, because he wasn’t talking to me.”
It’s never too late
Meg’s message to divorced dads and anyone who thinks the window has closed with their kid.
“I’ve heard so many men say, ‘I got divorced and I haven’t seen my kids really in 10 years, it’s too late for me.’ And I want to shake them. Your daughter’s 30, I don’t care. It is never too late. She wants you. She wants you.”
Listen to the full conversation with Meg on the podcast, where she and Jon also get into her TED Talk’s three questions every kid wants answered, and why it’s never too late to reconnect. Part one of this conversation, The Dad’s Formula for Influence, is also in the feed.
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