Ian Kerner – Is Predictable Sex Killing Your Marriage?

Subscribe and Listen Now She called me a sex god.  I laughed, but knew I may have earned it!   Gents… this show is going to get seriously personal.  We’re talking oral sex, bedroom routines, easing anxiety, ethical porn and more.  A few years ago, my friend Lance Salazar, author of The Miracle Morning for Couples, gave me a copy of Dr. Ian Kerner’s book, She Comes First.  Long story short: six months later, my wife was telling all our friends that I’d become some sort of sex god (not kidding).   It wasn’t until I was in my early 40s that I started to learn how to really light up my wife.  We cover a lot of ground on the show, including a look into the work behind his new book, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex: Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives.

Dr. Ian Kerner’s Podcast Highlights

• What does variety look like in a healthy sexual relationship?
• The $2.00 purchase that saved my sex life
• The one thing that needed to happen, for my wife to beg for sex.
• Are your routines (sex scripts) killing your love life?
• What are your core erotic themes?
• How do you create variety in a sexual relationship?
• Is there ethical porn and has porn become problematic?
• Do men need to manage masturbation?
• If you’re kids bust you having sex, is that traumatic?
• Why our cultural norms surrounding sex leave people dysfunctional, depressed, and without sexual self-esteem.
• Why dominant cultural narratives fail to honor female sexuality.
• Why guys should be talking about sex more often.
• Why do sex scripts fall into predictable patterns or just get boring?
• The common threads of sex scripts that work.
• Why anxiety is the enemy of arousal
• When should we talk to our kids about sex and pornography?
• Is there more trauma for a child in seeing their parents have sex, or feeling that their parents lived in a sexless marriage?

“When someone says they want more variety, it doesn’t automatically suggest incompatibility. It usually suggests areas to explore.” - Dr. Ian Kerner Share on X “Keeping sex interesting doesn’t mean you have to engage in all these fantasies, but even knowing that you have them and being vulnerable enough to communicate them, really is an aphrodisiac.” - Dr. Ian Kerner Share on X

Ian Kerner’s Links & Other Resources

• Ian Kerner’s Website
• Follow Ian Kerner on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter
• So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex: Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives
• She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
• Lance Salazar
• Hal Elrod

Dr. Ian Kerner’s Bio

Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT is a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized sexuality counselor who specializes in sex therapy, couples therapy. He works with individuals on a wide range of relationship issues that can often lead to distress.  Ian is the NY Times best-selling author of She Comes First which has been translated into more than a dozen languages. In addition to being a Clinical Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT), Ian is a member of the American Family Therapy Academy (AFTA) and is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Ian is known as an expert in various media, and quoted regularly in recent features in The Atlantic, The New York Times, The Economist and NPR amongst others. He is a regular contributor on the topic of sex for CNN Health, and lectures frequently with recent presentations at New York University, Yale, Princeton and the Ackerman Institute.

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