Mismatched Sex Drives, Who Initiates Action & Bringing Adventure Into the Bedroom with Vanessa and Xander Marin



Don’t have time for the full interview? Here’s is a short clip from the discussion!

I’m a fan of sex.

So is my wife.

But I wish we were more insync. I go to bed early.  She goes to bed late.  I work during the day when she’s ready to play.

Sound familiar?

When Tatyana and I are turned on at the exact same moment, it’s fireworks, and it’s also rare.

Let me be honest, lately our sex life has been bonkers.  It’s been passionate, fun and sexy as hell (this is after 14 years together).

In the past decade, there have been many times when I felt “This is probably the best it’ll ever be.”

How ignorant of me.

To think I knew everything.  To think we’d explored the depths of our marriage to it’s fullest extent, to think I had somehow mastered sex.  WTF.

Boy was I wrong.

The last couple years I’ve been learning about things that prove the proves —  I know what I don’t know (I’ve heard about Tantra, but what the hell is it), but mostly, most stuff I don’t know what I don’t know (Wait…what did just say, this is the first time I’m hearing about this!)

The latter happens so often, I’m both frustrated by it (because I feel ignorant) and inspired by it (because there’s so much I can do).

So…in the spirit of constant and never ending improvement, let’s talk about sex.

Let’s talk about it, because when sex is amazing, your marriage is better, and that is at the core of being a great dad to your kids.  Happy dad, happy mom, happy kids.

So without further ado, here’s a little preview to what’s covered in my chat with the sex expert Vanessa Marin and her husband Xander…

  • Dealing with mismatched sex drives
  • Who’s supposed to initiate?
  • How can we bring adventure into the bedroom?
  • The impact of porn (and how much could be good for you)
  • And lots more…

Enjoy the show!  And if you dig it, please leave a rating/review — it means the world to our team, and our guests.


  • “Every single couple has mismatched sex drives. There’s not a single couple out there where both partners want sex at the same time or way.” – Vanessa Marin
  • “There is no such thing as being universally good at sex.” – Vanessa Marin




Vanessa is a licensed psychotherapist with bachelor’s degrees in human sexuality and sociology from Brown University, a master’s degree in counseling psychology,  and two decades of experience working with thousands of couples.

Xander is an ex-consultant who left the corporate world because he was so inspired by Vanessa’s mission to help couples transform their relationships.  His practical experience and down-to-earth nature will help set you at ease.

Their relationship has been their best teacher, and they feel deeply honored to share the lessons they’ve learned (and continue to learn!) with other couples.

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Disclaimer: The transcription you’re about to read was produced digitally. It’s 95% accurate, however at times, the system interprets words incorrectly, so if you’re shrugging your shoulders saying, “What the heck?” — just skip that word/sentence and read on 🙂 Thanks and happy reading

223 – Mismatched Sex Drives with Vanessa Marin[/read]

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