How Three Men Deal With Their Anger

Do you ever lose your cool? Do you ever just yell? It gets asked point blank in this one, and the three answers could not be more different. Ryan Deiss says he isn’t a yeller and explains exactly where his line is. Connor Beaton traces the charge underneath a man’s anger back to what it’s actually made of. And then the question turns raw: one of the questions in this episode isn’t for a guest at all, it’s a dad admitting he goes from zero to a hundred in the blink of an eye, asking breathwork coach Charles Clay, can you fix me?

“I’m not a yeller”

Deiss is direct about it: no yelling, no slammed doors, no thrown things, and it’s a household rule, not just his own temperament. His kids know not to raise their voice at him or at their mom. He says he lives at about a three most of the time. But there’s a line. When someone once made his wife feel unsafe in her own home with a threatening phone call, Deiss didn’t stay at a three.

“I basically live at about a three or a four. And then I’ll go to an eleven. But it takes something pretty big.”

The charge underneath the anger

Beaton’s answer goes deeper than temperament. He traces his own intensity back to childhood trauma, the kind that creates an excess of internal charge the body doesn’t know how to release. For years, he managed that charge by medicating it: alcohol, weed, other checked-out coping habits. The shift he’s spent over a decade making is from a medicated way of being to a meditative one, using breathwork, cold immersion, and stillness to actually work with the intensity instead of numbing it. His point for other men: undistracted presence with your wife and kids is a rare, valuable thing, and it’s not available to you if your nervous system is still running on high alert.

“Can you fix me before we’re done?”

The most honest moment in this episode comes from the host, not a guest. He admits he goes from zero to a hundred in the blink of an eye, with no warning, and puts the question directly to Charles Clay: can you fix me? Clay’s answer isn’t a fix so much as a tool. Notice where the anger is showing up in your body. Use a 4-8 breath, four counts in, eight counts out, to calm the nervous system in the moment. And say out loud what you need instead of letting the charge run the show.

“Your ability to articulate what you need in that moment is a huge stepping stone… it’s huge.”

Hear the full conversations: Ryan Deiss here, Connor Beaton here, and Charles Clay here. For the full list of books this community keeps recommending, click here.